Happy Birthday to Me...

38 sucked.  Not every single moment, there was some really awesome, really amazing things that happened while I was 38, but the overall theme of 38 was suckitude…

Today, I turn 39.  Technically, I turned 39 at 7.15am… but today I’m 39.

Pushing 40 as my lovely friend Adriana puts it.   But 40 is a year away.

39 is going to be… no, it has been a fantastic year and will continue to be a fantastic year.

There’s a lot of firsts left to come.  There’s a lot of sadness I will experience.  There’s a lot of grief I will still go through.

But there’s a lot of joy to be experienced.

I frequent Widowed Village and have started to make good friends there.  I was chatting with a friend last night and I said to him… “He died, I didn’t.”

And if I didn’t die… I need to live.   I need to find joy.  I need to find peace, however fleeting.  I need to find happiness.  I need to embrace love.

I know Mark would be seriously pissed at me if I gave up.   I would be seriously pissed at myself if I gave up.  Well, if I had the energy to be pissed at myself LOL.   But the reality is… I didn’t die.  I’m still here.

I have children to raise.  I’m waiting for grandchildren.  I expect to love someone again.  And I have dreams, aspirations and ambitions to fullfill.

I’m going to have a cry today, it’s coming.  I miss Mark terribly. It hurts beyond hurt that he’s not here to share in my birthday.

But dammit, I’m going to enjoy my birthday.

My day will start with Kathy coming over for coffee.  I have lunch planned with Sarah, and then Adriana and I are going to invade on Michelle.

Later tonight, my craft night friends will all come invade on me… which means I should spend some time cleaning my house this morning LMFAO.    I’ve told several of them that they *had* to come because it’s my birthday craft night.

Today… will be a good day.

Happy Birthday to me.   I am going to go back in my email, and find the e-card Mark sent me for my 38th birthday… a reminder of how much he loved me…

I hope your day is as full of love and laughter as mine will be.

This is not the greatest picture of the birthday cake that was made for me, but it was gorgeous… this is from the surprise party my friends threw for me on Saturday.

This is Spunky Monkey – and me on our roller derby birthday party last year.   Did I mention our team rocks?!?!?

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