The most frustrating thing about being a new widow, about being someone very new to grief, is the aborted tears.
I cycle through various “stages” of grief fairly quickly – I will be empty and numb, then angry, then sad and crying in relatively rapid succession.
I know I need to cry more. I have problems with crying though. I don’t want to cry in public, I don’t like to cry around other people, and so when I GET the opportunity to cry, I want to.
And then someone will call.
Or someone will ask questions.
Or someone will need something from me.
And I suck it up, dry my tears and deal with whatever had caused my tears to be aborted.
My chest hurts, my throat feels ‘clogged’ and my head hurts.
And I still need to cry.