Aborted Tears

The most frustrating thing about being a new widow, about being someone very new to grief, is the aborted tears.

I cycle through various “stages” of grief fairly quickly – I will be empty and numb, then angry, then sad and crying in relatively rapid succession.

I know I need to cry more.  I have problems with crying though.   I don’t want to cry in public, I don’t like to cry around other people, and so when I GET the opportunity to cry, I want to.

And then someone will call.

Or someone will ask questions.

Or someone will need something from me.

And I suck it up, dry my tears and deal with whatever had caused my tears to be aborted.

My chest hurts, my throat feels ‘clogged’ and my head hurts.

And I still need to cry.


3 thoughts on “Aborted Tears

  1. Janice says:

    Jane – if you need to cry … don’t answer the phone, don’t answer the question, ignore all requests … and cry. Everyone can wait until you’re cycling back to being capable of helping them. Oh – and this is not the last thing that you’re going to be frustrated by; that too is part of the process. Gentle hugs!

  2. Go take a nice long shower. A shower is a good excuse for privacy, no one can be expected to have you hop out to answer the phone or figure out where something is, you can cry as much as you need and it’s a breeze to wash your tears off after.

    And the stages of grief are a theory, not set in concrete fact (no matter how people treat them). Don’t expect to follow them anything but vaguely. Just mourn the way you need to.


  3. Sierra says:

    Do what YOU need to do, as someone who has been a people pleaser in the past, I understand all to well about answering everyone else’s needs and not addressing my own. I’ve learned that things just like what you have done by writing a blog are one of many ways to allow your grief to be expelled from your body. That the more you can grieve the way YOU need to, will help you in the long run.

    Sometimes we need to remind people that we aren’t supermom, superwoman or a hero. We are grieving the loss of our loved one and are no different than anyone else as they come to terms with their own emotions.

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