Anxiety Attack & Want to Vomit

I do a craft night every Wednesday.   Tonight’s craft was to finish the cross stitch piece I had been working on while Mark was in the hospital.

It’s the Leisure Arts “Footprints In The Sand”

I’m simultaneously having a panick attack and I want to vomit.

I really want to finish this.  I NEED to finish this.

I want to throw up.  This is the first physical reaction I’ve had like this.   I don’t get this physically responsive to stress.

I manage nausea by barely breathing.  I manage anxiety attacks by deep breathing.  This is a bit of a connundrum for me.

And in the end – I think I’ll end up crying.

I miss him so much 😦

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5 thoughts on “Anxiety Attack & Want to Vomit

  1. Sierra says:

    panic and anxiety attacks can be so very frightening. I am wondering what your thoughts could be about? Is it wanting to finish the cross stitch and perhaps closure? You say you “need” to finish it, I was going to suggest you do it as much as you can handle at a time. If that is a few minutes, then that is all it is. Be kind with yourself, it will get finished. 🙂

    • sunnyjane says:

      It’s the association and memories of the last time I was working on this piece. The association of the piece itself. I feel so very alone (although I know I’m not alone) and I miss him so much and the piece was supposed to be a celebration of his victory over the illness. I’m trying to turn it from being a reminder of how alone I am to a piece of strength for me.

  2. Bea says:

    Jane, you may need to wait a bit before you can finish this. It could be way too soon for you to make the mind switch from the hurt you’re feeling to the strength you want to show. Take it easy on yourself!

  3. […] cross stitch piece I was working on.   The one that caused me so much pain and anxiety and nausea that I could barely […]

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