I’m on vacation with my boys.   A couple different people offered me getaways…. and I took them.  My goal for this summer is to make it memorable, and not just because Daddy died… I want them to experience LIFE because without the joys, Daddy’s death means nothing.  He would not want me to be sad and hiding in the bedroom, isolating myself and the boys in our house.

He would be encouraging me to get out, do new things and see people.

We took a co-worker of mine up on her offer to go to Bowen Island.  This was the view from the place we were staying at:

And this was the view as we headed out to see the fireworks at the Celebration of Light festival.  (ON A BOAT!!! ZOMG THAT ROCKED!!!)


My boys got to go swimming in the ocean:


And then we had a lovely ferry ride back to the mainland:


They got to go out on a boat, drive the boat, play in the ocean and ride a bunch of ferries.  Overall, the first 3 days of our trip were pretty darned good.

And yet, I’m sad.  I’m weepy, I’m full of emotion.

We got to Victoria today, and went to a bbq with our hosts.   Everyone there has someone.  Except me.  I was incredibly lonely, even though my friend pretty much stuck by my side the entire night.  The best part of the night was the hug she gave me.   Oh, and the grilled pineapple with spicy peanut butter some random guy named John offered me.  He plays a mean guitar – great duet/jam session with the accordion :p

But we get home, get kids settled in, and I’m sad.  I want to cry. I miss him sofa king much. It’s a physical pain, how much I miss him.

I plan to make the next few days to be fun and exciting for the boys.  Tomorrow we’ve been invited to visit with a school friend, and swim in her pool.

Tuesday and Wednesday will be the Bug Zoo and a Maritime/Navy museum on the Naval base in Esquimalt.

Tuesday night will be a night out doing karaoke.

I was hoping to connect with my cousin and meet his babies, but I don’t think it’s going to happen.  Either fatherhood has him really really busy or he’s just not interested.  Either way, he’s not responded to my messages.

I don’t feel like a very good guest.  I’m sorta quiet, moody, and brooding.  I don’t mean to be, I just am.

I wish he were here with me.  We had planned a trip to Victoria with our boys… and this trip isn’t *the* trip – but its still bittersweet.

I miss him.  I hope for the boys that I am making good memories with them.  I know they miss him too – but I want them to see that life is to be enjoyed – even when we’re super sad… *sigh*




2 thoughts on “Vacation

  1. InstantWidow says:

    Hang in there. It is what it is. Try to find good memories to keep. Try to find some joy. This is so early in the grief process for you. Just breathe & relax. Watching others attempting to reach out to you and offer service to you is heart warming. Don’t miss their attempts by being too focused on what you don’t have. You have your children and yourself and your friends, etc. Each day is a new opportunity to look for joy and peace – no matter how small or insignificant it is. You don’t need to judge yourself or set some kind of expectation on yourself. Just let it happen.

  2. It sounds like you have some really great friends helping you through this. Im glad you do. Im sure it makes a huge difference. Take care. Kat 🙂

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