This was sent to me after I posted about my first week as a widow…
You have my deepest sympathy dear. The pain lessens, the shock fades in time. Be strong.
As you say, your life changed irrevokably. Very true. You must now chart a course for a new life for yourself and children. It will not be easy perhaps even the hardest thing you’ve ever done. In time you’ll find a path for you. It may take a very very long time, years even but it will come. Let your heart be your guide upon that path. Listen to it. When it sends confused messages, wait until they become clearer.
I will tell you know, you will always mourn your husband. You will always miss him. You will always feel his absence. You will always feel his love. You will always feel your love for him. These will never change. In time, you will learn to cope with this and you will be able to use this to give you strength.
Grief will change you. In many ways for the better. In some ways not so much. You will treasure people and experiences more, material things less. Sometime’s you’ll feel weak and that no one understands, othertimes you’ll feel stronger than anyone you know and that you understand things they’ll never begin to comprehend.
There are grief support groups. Consider joining one. Ask for support when you need it. Others may not offer it otherwise or know what support to offer.
Now is YOUR time. Time for you to take care of yourself. Find whatever gives you any happiness, joy. Do things you never thought you would. Enjoy the sunshine, feel the breeze like you’ve never felt it before. It is YOUR time in life to grow, to learn, to take care of yourself, to heal, to relax, to chart the course the rest of you life will take, to listen to your heart. Now is the time for yourself. Be good to yourself.
Do not spend time in worry about what others think you should do or how they think you should grieve. Grief is your’s to express in your own unique manner and not how others think you should.
If you are a person of faith, any faith whatever it may be, now is the time to lean upon it for guidance, wisdom, support. If not then disregard this and I cannot comment further and I mean no offense.
Let go of guilt over whatever may trouble you about your husband, your relationship with him over the years, his pain, his passing. Be strong in knowing that you were there for him, loved him, and did what you could and felt was right for him. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you cared for him, you loved him, you took care of him, and were strong for him. Be proud of that, as you should be.
Your Doctor is wise, ” We’re not human beings on a spiritual path, we’re spiritual beings on a human path” He gave you great insight there. Spend time meditating on what this means. It will give you insight, comfort, understanding, and in time peace. Keep in touch with this doctor for your own needs, if possible. I think he can help.
With Sympathy and Empathy for your loss.
Life is the Question, Love is the answer.
This still resonates… it’s still as true now as it did 8 weeks ago. I wanted to repost this to my blog so that I wouldn’t lose it…
9 weeks ago today… we said good-bye….