Stability

I crave it.  I need it.  I feel bi-polar in the way my emotions are up and down and all over the place.

I’ll have a day like yesterday where I felt good all day, despite having forgotten my meds the night before, and my emotions and mood remained… good, stable, normal… all day.   I had coffee with a friend, no major sadness.  I made dinner for my hosts, no major sadness.  Went to karaoke with friends, sang the song I always used to sing to Mark, and felt good.  Felt strong.  Sang well.  Didn’t fall apart.

And I wake up this morning… and I’m sad.  I’m weepy. My chest hurts, my throat is full of emotion, tears are prickling behind my eyes, and I feel *heavy.*

Today’s a day I want to curl up and hide.  Today I want to look at pictures of him and listen to music that reminds me of him and cry all day.

I’m not going to – I’ve got the opportunity to meet up with brand new babies (and my cousin! LOL)  but I want to.  I want to hide.

At least my day brings baby love… 🙂

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