I crave it. I need it. I feel bi-polar in the way my emotions are up and down and all over the place.
I’ll have a day like yesterday where I felt good all day, despite having forgotten my meds the night before, and my emotions and mood remained… good, stable, normal… all day. I had coffee with a friend, no major sadness. I made dinner for my hosts, no major sadness. Went to karaoke with friends, sang the song I always used to sing to Mark, and felt good. Felt strong. Sang well. Didn’t fall apart.
And I wake up this morning… and I’m sad. I’m weepy. My chest hurts, my throat is full of emotion, tears are prickling behind my eyes, and I feel *heavy.*
Today’s a day I want to curl up and hide. Today I want to look at pictures of him and listen to music that reminds me of him and cry all day.
I’m not going to – I’ve got the opportunity to meet up with brand new babies (and my cousin! LOL) but I want to. I want to hide.
At least my day brings baby love… 🙂