I expect certain things to trigger me.
The Broadway & Oak/Cambie & 12th blocks of Vancouver.
What I didn’t expect, is to be triggered while visiting my Grandmother in a long term care home.
I went to visit her today. She’s been there a while, but with everything that’s been going on with Mark, and his death, I didn’t get a chance before now.
The home is institutional. They tried, sort of, to make it “homey” but failed.
It smells, it feels like a hospital, but not a clean one, if you know what I mean.
And then I was in my Grandma’s room – where she’s got a picture of me and Mark and the kids. That was somewhat distressing.
But the trigger… was the man in a wheelchair repeating over and over in a loud insistent voice: “WHERE’S MY WIFE”
And all I could think of was Mark, in the hospital, and the times that the nurses called me and asked me if I was coming in (usually I was right there) because Mark was asking for his wife.
And I needed to escape. I practically ran out of there. The anxiety/panick attack was so intense, I wasn’t sure how to deal with it.
It surprised me. It scared me, knowing that there’s going to be random triggers. I can’t prepare for those 😦
It was a bit disconcerting, to say the least.