Tough Day

It’s been a tough day today.

I was heading down to Abbotsford to pick up my friend’s kids.   I was driving her car.  The same car that I drove down to the hospital for 4 months.  Driving the same roads.

I bawled.

It was such a huge trigger for me.   I needed the cry.  I needed the drive down.  I will eventually be able to go through downtown and head to VGH.  That’s my plan.   Repeated exposure, so that the pain lessens, or I’m able to handle it better.

I didn’t get the kids – their dad got off work early and went to get them.  So I turned around and went home.

Then … I went through the bin of snapshots.  I have a lot of AMAZING shots of Mark.  I’m truly blessed that I have so many – I have a document of our life together.

That was hard… but I’m glad I did it.  The memorial is coming up fast, and in 2 days I lose my friend’s support, and I’m forced to do it on my own.

Now I have a pile of pictures… which I will take to Walmart and scan to disc and add to all the other pictures I have of him.  Then there will be a sort of all the pictures to the most important, the most poignant.

I found a couple that I want to blow up and have on my walls.   I love that I’ve found these.

I miss him so much… today was a tough day, but it was good in so many ways.

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One thought on “Tough Day

  1. Hadassah Hannah says:

    I hear you — and I admire you. It’s been nearly three years for me, and I haven’t even started to go through most of the photographs that my soulmate took (there are thousands; he could take three dozen shots of just one rosebush, and frequently did).

    I do have a few photos of him, thankfully, but not too many, as he preferred being on the business end of the camera.

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