He’s Supposed To Be Here

To celebrate my successes.  To encourage me to go further.  To push me to do better.  To hug me when I feel I’m failing. To love me.
He’s supposed to be here.

He’s not dammit.

I did a fantastic workout… one that I had previously been unable to complete…and as I did the final stretches… I wanted to look up at his chair and see him there encouraging me and smiling down at me and telling me how proud he is.

Fuck.

Who am I going to share all the small successes with?   Who’s going to understand and be there to hug me when I pass my 25 in 5 and finally get to play?

Fuck.

I miss him so much.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “He’s Supposed To Be Here

  1. Sharon says:

    Congrats on the workout!
    A friend of mine used to write letters to her mom (who died her freshman year in college), then she would take all the letters and go sit at her grave and read them outloud to her mom. She said it helped.

  2. sunnyjane says:

    Thanks Sharon – I’ll try that.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s