Memories Sliding Down my Cheek

I frequently post this picture in this blog:

 

 

Because ALL my memories cause that to happen.

Today it was just one.

Today – I’m on the phone with my Mom, we’re talking about the concert I’m going to with my friend Kathy tomorrow at Rogers Arena, and where we’ll park.  I explain to my Mom that there’s a  place where I know to park because I parked there last time I was at Rogers Arena when I went to the Canucks game last April/May (I don’t remember exactly when).

And then the memory snuck out of my eye and rolled down my cheeks.

After the game, I let my friend out to catch the skytrain and I raced up to VGH to see Mark.  He was in the step-down unit at that point (first time) and they have a 10pm cutoff time for visiting hours.   I called ahead and asked if I could come in to see him – that I was just coming from the Canucks game and would be there right around 10.

The nurses let me come.

I rushed in, very quietly so as to not disturb the other patients, went over to his bedside and kissed him silly.

He was so happy to see me.  I got his big grin, his smile, the light in his eyes and the pure joy at being able to see me – when I startled him.  I was only there to say good night, it was a very short visit to kiss him and tell him how much I loved him.   But the joy in his face made it worth it.  It made the extra drive (it was out of my way) and extra time worth the effort.

He lit up.  And I was so freaking happy to see that. He was able to talk at that point… and so the memory of hearing him say he loves me… the joy in that moment…

Today the memory escaped… but it also brings me joy to remember that, even though the sadness is there that I will never see that smile again… I will never see his eyes light up like that again… to know that I brought that kind of joy to him, even at his sickest… so for today the memory is bittersweet… but I’m grateful for it.

He had the greatest smile…

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3 thoughts on “Memories Sliding Down my Cheek

  1. Bonnie Dean says:

    So sorry for your loss.

  2. those moments catch me too. just back from a bittersweet vacation to Hawaii. first one without barb and it was hard. thanks for sharing your journey. it’s a big help for me here at week 5.

    • sunnyjane says:

      I remember week 5. I remember taking my kids on vacation and looking back, I wonder WTF was I thinking? I gave the boys a great vacation, but I was in a fog most of the time…

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