Loss of Intimacy

Loss of Intimacy — really knowing, understanding and honouring another person — is what the widow is missing after the death of her spouse. That beautiful bond with another human being that allows you to completely be yourself, knowing that no matter what you say or share, the other person will love you. Intimacy does not come from sharing physical space with someone, instead it comes from sharing mental, spiritual and emotional space.

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3 thoughts on “Loss of Intimacy

  1. val says:

    Beautiful Jane. I love how you write. It really makes me feel, I don’t know it seems like everything at once.

  2. Rose Chimera says:

    You hit the nail on the head for me. The loss of a spouse is the loss of intimacy. It isn’t the only thing I’ve missed since my husband died but it is the BIGGEST thing I’ve missed. I knew him, he knew me and we were ok with what we knew about each other. The good, the bad and the ugly we knew and accepted of each other.

    I remember we were at an event where about 150 people attended. I saw my husband from across the room and he saw me as he was walking…our eyes met and we held each other’s gaze for a few minutes. Every other person in the room became a blur for me as I was focused on my husband. A friend who was sitting with me looked at him, looked at me and then said, “you two just had a whole conversation right then!” Yes, in fact we had. That someone else witnessed the silent exchange was interesting to me. I realized then the absolute deep level of intimacy my husband and I shared.

    That is not something I have experienced since. It is something I wonder if I’ll ever have that level of intimacy again. I think not. I don’t discount the possibility I just don’t see it happening again. I hope it will though.

  3. widowwisdom says:

    I think that’s the part I missed most. Having that connection again has been challenging as for many years I’ve relied on my friends. Trying to pull back from friends to refocus that intimacy with my partner and bf is hard. It’s a long road. At least we’re on it together. 🙂

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