I can’t take away their pain.
I raised my older two kids to be strong, independent and self-reliant.
I forget, sometimes, how very young they still are.
At 22 and almost 21, my oldest children have lost not one, but two fathers.
Their biological dad died when they were 5 & 3. I married my husband when they were 7 & 9. We had been together a year and a half at that point… so he had been in their lives since they were 5 &7.
My husband may not have been their biological dad – but he was *dad* in every way that counted.
Last night, I got a glimpse of my son’s naked pain. He does a very good job of hiding it, but if you listen to his music, you can hear it.
I got to hear it in a way I don’t think he expresses very often.
And I wanted to take away the pain. I want to heal the hurt. I want to make it better and show him that it really can be ok.
He’s going to move through this… but it breaks my heart that he has to.
As a wife, I’ve lost my husband, my partner, my soul mate.
As a mom, I have to watch my children navigate life without their father. The older ones were blessed with being raised to adulthood by Mark. The younger ones? I’m going to have to figure out their teen years without his guidance. And it breaks my heart that they will miss out on the amazing person he was. He had a way with the kids that I don’t. He was their confidante. He was the one they knew they could talk to. He was an amazing role model.
I want to help them… but the older kids won’t let me. They don’t want me to have to hurt more than I am. But I hurt knowing what they’re going through.