Skin Hunger

It’s been 18 weeks since Mark died.

It’s been 10 months since he went into the hospital.

While there was some touching in the hospital, when he could, there really wasn’t much in the way of physical connection.

In essence, it’s been 10 months since I’ve had someone hold me.

I’ve been hugged.

I’ve been snuggled.

I’ve been touched.

I’m not suffering from a complete lack of touch.   But I’m dealing with a lack of affectionate touch.   Holding someone’s hand.  Snuggling up on a couch while we watch a movie. Being able to casually reach over and touch and be touched in an intimate manner.  (NO, not sexually!!)

Mark’s primary love language was touch.  While he was in the hospital – I was constantly touching him… finding ways to sooth him, make him feel better.

I didn’t realize that over the years we’d been together, he’d conditioned me to need touch as much as he did.  While I get a lot of it from my kids, its not the same.

My adult children see me being cranky and stressed and generally bitchy.   Mark was always able to soothe that out of me with touch and love and hugs.   He’s not here to do that any more and I don’t know how to deal with the lack of touch.

I have skin hunger.

 

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2 thoughts on “Skin Hunger

  1. Carolyn says:

    Hi. Just read you piece on lack of intimate touching. My partner of 36 years died a year ago and I am so hungry for her touch or to just sit and be in the arms of someone. I know exactly how you are feeling. Grief is such a painful process but this yearning has been the most painful for me.

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