I’m dating someone.
I don’t even know how to describe it. I’m seriously twitterpated. I don’t know if the man I’m seeing is twitterpated as well… but I’m seriously enjoying the sensations.
The problem is that I go back and forth between being enormously twitterpated and missing my husband even more.
The two have nothing to do with each other. My feelings for this man in no way intersects my feelings for my husband. I’m as in love with my husband as I was the day he died. I miss him enormously. And if someone offered me the option, I’d have him back without even blinking twice.
But he’s not coming back and I am enjoying the company of this man I am dating. We’ve watched movies together, gone to a party, he took me out for dinner on Friday, and then we spent some time together on Sunday night. I was hoping to spend some time with him today, but at this point in the day – it would seem he’s busy getting ready for his work week. That’s perfectly fine… but I”m a bit disappointed.
I’ve checked with my kids. My daughter is happy for me. My two younger boys are ok with it – they know him and think he’s a nice guy. I’ve even talked to them about what happens if he comes over here and kisses me in front of them. Or holds my hand.
They know they’re supposed to tell me if they feel uncomfortable about it. They’ve told me they will.
I checked with the man I’m dating – I blog and I want to respect him and his privacy so unless you get to talk to me or him in person – you won’t likely get to know his name or figure out who he is. He’s ok with me blogging, but has asked for a certain level of privacy which I’m more than happy to give him. He’s kinda private that way 🙂 I like it 🙂
I’m not sure how I’ll balance out my need to grieve with the twitterpated feeling of anticipation for when I’ll see him next. But I do keep the knowledge that I”ll need to grieve in my thoughts – it wouldn’t be fair to myself or the man I’m dating to not. And I’m hoping he’ll understand that there will be days when I’m a grieving widow – not the woman he’s dating and who likes to snuggle up to him. (of course if he wants to snuggle me while I’m grieving, that might work too :P)
I was thinking about the grieving/dating process – and how I’ve still got my wedding ring on my right hand, I still wear my husband’s ashes in a pendant all the time, and my facebook status still says “married to…” and I’m not willing to change those yet.
As I’ve said to my friends – if he doesn’t understand – he’s not someone I want in my life on that level.
But damn that man is hot 🙂