New Grief

I said goodbye to a friend tonight.  The relationship had actually ended before my husband died, but in the midst of the fog of his death and my subsequent grief, I didn’t notice that she *wasn’t* there.

I found out a bit of the background of why she chose to end the friendship.   But she chose not to tell me until this week – and even then – she used a casual conversation I had with her husband as a catalyst to blame me and use that blame to fully disconnect.

It hurts.  I’m not going to lie.  The loss of a friend at this point in my life is something that I really don’t need.

I don’t blame her, I don’t fault her, she made a choice that was best for her.   It is her loss, however.   I *don’t* need friends who are not true.

I have, remarkably, gained friends.  People have come into my life who have been amazing support and even more amazing friends.   I am grateful for each and every one of them.

 

Thank you to my friends for being my friends.  I love you all 🙂 ❤

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4 thoughts on “New Grief

  1. instantwidow says:

    People walk in and out of our lives all the time. Take the best parts of your ols friendship and treasure that gift. Release the rest. Her walking out of your life makes room for another person to walk in.

  2. Rose Chimera says:

    I find it interesting that you hadn’t really noticed that your “friend” hadn’t been around. Understandable somewhat given your grief and being in that dark fog. She couldn’t have been THAT good a friend if she elected to leave your circle during the hardest time of your life.

    Why bother telling you now though? Somewhat after the fact? So you would have clarity on why she was no longer your friend? Or did it bother her that you just didn’t notice her absence?

    Some people and their behaviors are just….odd or selfish or more.

    As instantwidow said though, people walk in and out of our lives all the time. We don’t always have a choice in the matter. Nor are we given an opportunity to discuss the “why” of it. But I know it still hurts to have people leave, sometimes. Life can be like a garden you know? We have to tend it, clean it out occasionally; get the weeds out to allow the flowers to grow…and make room for more.

    • sunnyjane says:

      I didn’t really think much of it because I didn’t know how she would be with grief and loss and despite living in the same town, she had family & job obligations & I had family & job obligations and so we didn’t *see* each other much. So to go a month without physically seeing her beyond a wave wasn’t unusual. But to have her confirm that she chooses to not be my friend anymore..

      I love her – she’s an awesome lady, and she’s made the choice she feels is best for her and her family and if/when she wants to reopen the door, I’ll be here. But it’s up to her to say “hey, I miss you” because she’s the one who’s said she doesn’t want to talk to me.

      • Rose Chimera says:

        I understand, maybe she was giving you “space” in the grief thing or maybe she was busy in her own life, that does happen, so her absence could be chalked up to any number of things..but to be told I don’t want to be your friend….that is harsh isn’t it?I

        Yes leave the door open in case she resolves some things and wants to rekindle the friendship. But stay on your guard a little. It hurt, if she is capable of hurting you now, while you’re grieving…well that says a lot about her I think. I could be completely off base, just plain wrong on that. And you love her and miss her and it hurts.

        I am wondering if you have any sort of closure with her? This all came out via a conversation you had with her husband (do I remember correctly?) but the friendship was you and her that has ended. You deserve a sense of closure about that…for the time being anyway. Or you’ll always be wondering, hoping, worrying, sad, missing her….maybe for a while anyway.

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