Opposites Attract

It seems, whenever I’ve had an appointment with the psychologist – I spend more time writing.   It shakes up things in my head that need to come out.

When I was young, my dream was to get married.  (and be a lawyer – fell in love with Judd Nelson in From the Hip). I wanted to be Mrs. ____ (Even when I was in grade 6, I was designing my wedding dress and learning to sign my last name – I had determined then that I would marry someone with the last name of McKay.  I had a fabulous signature to go along with that LOL)

I believed in the fairy tale.  I believed in happily ever after. I believed (and still do) in soul mates.  I believed that I would marry once, marry my best friend and grow old with him.   I believed into that story.

My life path to becoming Mrs. Smith was a windy and convoluted one.  It involved 2 children before I was a legal adult, an ex who tried to kill me, and many boyfriends who I was so desperate to find the fairy tale with that I moved to fast with them.   I had one boyfriend who came over for coffee the first time I met him… and didn’t leave for 3 years.

But I found him.  I found the man I expected to grow old with.  I found my life partner.  I found my best friend.  I found my biggest supporter.

We spent a LOT of time together.   I loved being with him, being in his company, I enjoyed HIM.  He was the one I wanted to tell my good stories to.  He’s the one I went to comfort when things were going bad.  He was the yin to my yang.

And then he died.    And now I have to learn to be alone.

My kids are here.  That’s not an issue.   But there’s no other adults in my “space” for the most part after 9pm.  My youngest two are in bed by 9 and my oldest (22) usually goes to his room and hangs out there in the evening.   I’m stuck with my own company.  I haven’t figured out yet if I like my own company.

Then I start dating.   The man I’m dating has lived alone, with just his boys for the past 8 years or so.  He’s used to his own company.  He’s used to being by himself.  As far as I know, he likes it.

Plus he goes to bed really early (compared to me).

So while I get to spend time with him – I’m still left with time by myself.   I’m forced to learn how to enjoy my own company.  I’m forced to learn how to get along with myself.  I’m forced to learn how to entertain myself.  I’m forced to learn how to like ME.

This is a new experience for me.  Because of the life I’ve led for the past 14 years, I’m happy at home.   I’ve become very domesticated.   But I’m so not used to being by myself.

{I’m going to have to come up with a pseudonym for the man I’m dating – it’s very cumbersome to keep writing “the man I’m dating” – so perhaps I’ll call him… George}

So anyhow, George has amazingly awesome, clear personal boundaries.  He’s very clear in what he wants, how slow he wants to go, and that he’s going to be careful in this.  It’s incredibly refreshing, and it forces me to keep myself in check as well.   For that I’m grateful.

I don’t know what I’d do if he was as easily caught up as I can be.   Ok, I do, but it would not be a happy situation in the end for any of us.

So I’m really glad that George is who he is.  It’s part of his attraction, the quiet strength that he exudes.

He’s really hot, too.

But I have to wonder, how I keep managing to connect with men who are so opposite me….?

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One thought on “Opposites Attract

  1. widowwisdom says:

    The man I married and lost was my opposite. My guy that I’ve been seeing is opposite in some ways and oddly similar to my husband in looks and likes. So who knows. Enjoy the ride. It’s hard to be patient. I know. 🙂

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