I’ve booked double the normal number of appointments for December with my psychologist. Everything I read, and from what everyone I talk to says, December is going to be *HARD*
December is Christmas. On the first weekend of December, our family goes and gets a tree, we set it up, and decorate it. We then start a week long process of decorating the rest of the house.
I love Christmas. I love the *family* of it. I love the lights and the decorations and the food and the parties… I love Christmas.
I loved Christmas as a child. I loved the big family gatherings in my Grandma’s house, getting to see my aunts and uncles and cousins. I loved being surrounded by family, with the women in our family all pitching in to make an amazing dinner. Even when that part of our family fell apart, I still love Christmas.
I love surprising the people I love with gifts. I love finding out what they love the most and making that happen for them at Christmas. I love creating presents that not only will they love, but have to work at to get into (box within a box, or the best ever – the scavenger hunt present)
I loved spending Christmas Eve, sitting in the dark, with only the Christmas tree lit up, sipping on a glass of wine or eggnog or whatever, snuggled up to my Love after we’ve put all the Christmas presents out, filled the stockings and have time just for *us*
For me, December is the best time of the year. Its the time when days promise to get longer, when family comes together, when kids get time off school and we get to spend time together and when love fills our home.
I can see why people think December is going to be “hard” – a major part of my life is going to be missing. This will be our first Christmas without him.
My plan, this first year without him, is to do everything the same. Not make any major changes, don’t adjust our routine, and make happy memories while still honouring his memory. Beyond that, though – all bets are off. We are going to create our own memories, and create traditions that work for us. (I’m hoping for a vacation somewhere warm next Christmas)
It’s going to be an interesting Christmas this year. This will be the first year in many years that all my kids will be here for Christmas. I wish Mark could have been here for that.