It’s Almost Gone

A while back – I took both rings off my hands.  I was going without a ring of any sort.   Then I had a day and I took my wedding ring off his urn and put it on my right hand.

It feels right there.  It belongs there.

But there’s nothing on the left hand, nothing on the left ring finger.  After almost 14 years of having a wedding ring on my hand… I’ve been without one for the last month.

I looked at my hands today, and the tan line is almost gone.

The indent is still there, so the shadows give an illusion of where my ring should be… but the tan line is mostly gone.

Its amazing how fast the body rebounds from the stresses we put on it when those stresses are removed.

But the line is almost gone.  The constant reminder of my being Mrs. Smith has faded away.

It seems too fast.  *sigh*

On another note – today Facebook responded to the request to memorialize Mark’s account.  He’s now no longer searchable by anyone who’s not already on his friends’ list.   On his timeline, he’s married to me, but to anyone not friends with both of us, I’m listed as “married”  with no one as my spouse.

It made me sad.

Then I was reading a book I’ve read a number of times before – a fantasy where magic/sorcery is real – and this man died.  Not a big deal – lots of people die.  But then they brought him back to life.  He got to live again and be with the woman he loved.

Stupid, I know, that that would make me cry for what I can’t have.   Why should she (fictional character that she is) get to have her Love back when mine can’t?

Dammit.

Craft night starts in 15 minutes.  I don’t really want company, but it will be good for me to be surrounded by friends.  It will help me get out of my head and emotions and into Christmas.

aka "rastafarian duck"

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3 thoughts on “It’s Almost Gone

  1. widowwisdom says:

    I know what you mean about the rings. I took mine off right after I was widowed because at least then I didn’t have to answer where my husband was or is. I have them. They are pretty but I don’t wear them at all four years later. I feel they are too big for my right hand and although I sorely miss my wedding ring I have to be open to try again. So hugs and know I’ve been there too. Friends are what got me through!

  2. Jax says:

    My rings have been off for more than a year, but there are still days I rub my ring finger with my thumb and think, “Oh no! Where are my rings?” It’s amazing how much a part of us rings become, and how their absence makes you feel very alone sometimes.

  3. the day after barb died i bought a chain and now wear her rings around my neck every day. i still wear my band. i can’t think about the day i take it off yet. it’s too soon.
    i was once asked what i would take with me from a burning building and said that all i wanted was my wedding band. powerful stuff for me..,

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