A while back – I took both rings off my hands. I was going without a ring of any sort. Then I had a day and I took my wedding ring off his urn and put it on my right hand.
It feels right there. It belongs there.
But there’s nothing on the left hand, nothing on the left ring finger. After almost 14 years of having a wedding ring on my hand… I’ve been without one for the last month.
I looked at my hands today, and the tan line is almost gone.
The indent is still there, so the shadows give an illusion of where my ring should be… but the tan line is mostly gone.
Its amazing how fast the body rebounds from the stresses we put on it when those stresses are removed.
But the line is almost gone. The constant reminder of my being Mrs. Smith has faded away.
It seems too fast. *sigh*
On another note – today Facebook responded to the request to memorialize Mark’s account. He’s now no longer searchable by anyone who’s not already on his friends’ list. On his timeline, he’s married to me, but to anyone not friends with both of us, I’m listed as “married” with no one as my spouse.
It made me sad.
Then I was reading a book I’ve read a number of times before – a fantasy where magic/sorcery is real – and this man died. Not a big deal – lots of people die. But then they brought him back to life. He got to live again and be with the woman he loved.
Stupid, I know, that that would make me cry for what I can’t have. Why should she (fictional character that she is) get to have her Love back when mine can’t?
Craft night starts in 15 minutes. I don’t really want company, but it will be good for me to be surrounded by friends. It will help me get out of my head and emotions and into Christmas.