I want him back.
It’s hard to describe how profound that statement is, the feelings behind that.
I want my husband. I want his arms around me. I want his quiet comfort, his ability to calm me, his desire to do so.
I want his presence.
I want the promise of growing old together.
“George” (the hot guy I’m dating) said to me that he wasn’t the guy for me – that he thinks I want a man who will eventually want to move in with me, make that long term intimate commitment with… I asked him… “What makes you think I’m looking for that? I had my true love, my deep abiding commitment. I had the fairy tale.”
Truth is, if I can’t have my husband, I’m happy with what I have. He’s hot, we go on dates, we stay in and snuggle and watch movies and there’s lots of good chemistry between us. He goes back to his house at the end of the day, and I go back to my house. I have my life, he has his. I see him 2 -3 times a week or so.
Its perfect for my mental and emotional state.
But in the quiet of the night, or after a particularly long day… I miss my husband. There’s an ache that is only temporarily filled, only temporarily pushed away while I’m with George. As soon as I have time to think… or feel… it’s there again.
I still love Mark beyond all reason. I miss him with an intensity that is beyond comprehension.
Tonight, I want to curl up in my bed and hide from the world. I want to burrow in the feelings of missing him and let them wash over me.
Tonight… I miss him. I want him home. I want him beside me, snuggled up to me. I want to feel his arms around me. I want HIM in a way that no one else can understand.