I Miss My Husband.

I want him back.

It’s hard to describe how profound that statement is, the feelings behind that.

I want my husband.  I want his arms around me.  I want his quiet comfort, his ability to calm me, his desire to do so.

I want his presence.

I want the promise of growing old together.

“George” (the hot guy I’m dating) said to me that he wasn’t the guy for me – that he thinks I want a man who will eventually want to move in with me, make that long term intimate commitment with… I asked him… “What makes you think I’m looking for that? I had my true love, my deep abiding commitment.  I had the fairy tale.”

Truth is, if I can’t have my husband, I’m happy with what I have.  He’s hot, we go on dates, we stay in and snuggle and watch movies and there’s lots of good chemistry between us.   He goes back to his house at the end of the day, and I go back to my house.   I have my life, he has his.   I see him 2 -3 times a week or so.

Its perfect for my mental and emotional state.

But in the quiet of the night, or after a particularly long day… I miss my husband.  There’s an ache that is only temporarily filled, only temporarily pushed away while I’m with George.   As soon as I have time to think… or feel… it’s there again.

I still love Mark beyond all reason.  I miss him with an intensity that is beyond comprehension.

Tonight, I want to curl up in my bed and hide from the world.  I want to burrow in the feelings of missing him and let them wash over me.

Tonight… I miss him.  I want him home.  I want him beside me, snuggled up to me.  I want to feel his arms around me.  I want HIM in a way that no one else can understand.

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7 thoughts on “I Miss My Husband.

  1. widowwisdom says:

    I get that. It’s hard. There are days even four years later that it’s just he’s. and maybe it’s not about missing my husband that I lost as it is the loneliness that I feel. The longing to just be in that settled relationship. I’ve been seeing a guy nearly five months and I love being with him and what we have but am I ‘in love’ ? Not yet. I just haven’t hit there. He has his own stuff as well so maybe once that’s better than we both will move on together. Hugs. You’re not alone.

  2. Rose Chimera says:

    Nope, as widowwisdom said, you’re not alone. I get what you’re saying. Completely. Ok so we had to pick up and move on…and we have sort of. Can anyone actually fill those shoes for us? Maybe a little, maybe sometimes but never all the time. *sigh*…..I keep that secret though.

  3. Maureen says:

    It happened so quickly. He was a hiker and loved riding his bike. He was a great father to my 2 incredible children. While he was dying my grandson was conceived. I think they may have crossed paths. He was too young. Helped me take care of my mom who had Alzheimer’s. I buried him a year after my mom died. I miss him so much. He was my first and only. I can’t move on but I am dealing with it. Thanks for listening.

    • Debbie Anderson says:

      My husband died suddenly too. He also helped me take care of my Mother who had Alzheimer’s. I buried him just over a year after my Mom died. He is the love of my life and I miss him so very much….He’s been gone for almost 2 months and it still doesn’t feel real……

  4. Dee says:

    my husband went to be with the Lord on April of 2014. I miss him everyday, I keep wondering how long will this continue to hurt. I wish more than anything that he could come back

  5. na says:

    I miss my love so much, my heart aches. I never knew emotional pain could hurt so much. I lost my husband while on vacation for our 30th anniversary.it has been 6 months and I still cant believe I will never see him again. all of our dreams for the future will never come true. my beautiful home is empty. I lost my best friend and lover of 40 years, we were HS sweethearts. I know life goes on, but I don’t much feel like living it. the only thing that keeps me going is my grown children but even they are so far away. best of luck to all of you. I suppose this is all Gods plan

  6. Kelly says:

    I lost my husband of 31 years just a month ago. He had cancer, that they felt was cured, but died of a heart attack in my home. I miss him so much. The first couple of weeks I cried every single day. The past couple of weeks I haven’t cried as much and sometimes feel guilty about not crying. I feel empty… I want him back so much. I am doing better, learning to live life without him and doing the things he used to do like finances and work around the house. Still I feel so cheated because we were going to retire in 8 years. We had plans for a long vacation next summer to make up for this summer’s days spent in radiation and chemo. I feel guilty about living my life without him…he needs to be here… it’s not fair that he is not. I love him and miss him dearly… please tell me it gets better.

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