Without him that is.
Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.
That’s my problem here. I’m watching my friends do their crafts, doing their Christmas gifts, Christmas cards and I don’t want to.
If I don’t get Christmas stuff done, will Christmas be delayed because of that? Nope. But there’s this resistance in me that says.. maybe… Maybe if i don’t do anything… maybe it just won’t happen.
But the reality is that it will. No matter what I do, the world keeps moving, life keeps going and I don’t have a choice in the matter. For my kids, Christmas is a reality. I can’t avoid it. I don’t know that I want to, for their sakes.
But dammit… It’s Christmas 😦
I am going to force myself to be Christmas-y I’m going to force myself to get into the spirit. I’m going to fake it for everyone else around me.
I am going to make good memories – because I don’t want my kids to remember Christmas as Dad’s dead and Mom’s gone because she’s too busy being sad.
Christmas decorations come out tomorrow. Christmas sewing gets done tomorrow. Tomorrow marks the first day of celebrating a season that brings our family together.