Fuck You – You Survived

For a while after Mark died, I’d read about some tragic illness, some sad story, some fundraiser for another person who was in ICU and recovered and now they’re doing better but can the general public help???

I was bitter and angry that Mark died.

My reaction to those stories was “FUCK YOU – YOU SURVIVED”

It wasn’t that I wished they had died… it was that I was angry Mark did.  I was angry he died.  I was angry that I’m now a widow.  I was angry and bitter and couldn’t see the joy in the moments that someone else didn’t have to go through what I was going through.

Yesterday, I read a story about a woman who ended up in ICU before Christmas, and they were concerned that she wouldn’t survive.  She lost a leg, some toes and possibly some fingers.    She’s a mom, a wife, a friend, a sister, a derby girl.

My initial reaction was “fuck you…”  but there was no heart in it.  No real anger.

There was sadness.  And relief.

Her children get to grow up with their mom.  Her husband doesn’t have to learn to live without her.  She gets to enjoy life, although she will have to find a new normal.

She’s lost a lot – but there is joy in the fact that she’s. still. here.

And she’s a derby girl.   She’ll never play derby again – but she has an amazing community of people around her who are coming together to support her and rally for her – just as my team did for me.

And so that initial reaction of fuck you… turned almost immediately into… thank goodness…

Thank goodness she survived…

Thank goodness she is in derby…

Thank goodness she has an amazing support network…

Thank goodness her husband and children get to continue loving her…

Thank goodness…

Dance in the Rain

My life has changed in ways I wouldn’t wish on anyone… I’m glad for them, that they don’t have to go through what I’m going through.

If you’re in the Abbotsford area on Jan 19 – please come out to this Super Scrimmage – all funds donated will go to help retrofit her house and provide financial support while the family learns to live with their new normal…

 

 

 

 

 

PS.  This was an extremely hard post to write – it’s difficult to admit less than charitable feelings…

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