What Do You DO???

Seriously?

Widows?  Widowers? Single people?  Single parents, specifically?

What do you do?

How do you go from being married, together every night, falling asleep together, waking up together, to being … alone?

What do you do at night?   What do you do when the kids are in bed?  When the world has all gone home?

On the average night… My boys are in bed by 9pm.   What happens then?

There seemed to be a point to doing stuff before, now I can’t see the point in it.   I just. don’t. care.

And I don’t really want do anything.  There just doesn’t seem to be a point to pulling out the craft stuff, to doing a puzzle, to watching a movie… alone.

WTF do you do alone?  Really?   Because I’m getting bored with vacating into the computer and staring off into space.

Blarg.

I’m really just fucking lonely.  I miss having someone to talk to at night.  Someone to snuggle up to.  *sigh*

This wasn’t the post I wanted to start with this year.   But it’s 7.15pm and my kids will be going to bed soon, and I”m watching my son snuggle up to his girlfriend, and I realized that I’m fucking LONELY.  I miss Mark.  I miss how we were together.   I miss him so freaking much.

I miss him.  I miss our life together.

January 2010 036

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “What Do You DO???

  1. Sara says:

    When Randy died, the internet wasn’t like it is now. I couldn’t concentrate on a book. I stated aimlessly at crap on tv until I fell asleep. eh. I started working out. it relieved a lot of frustration and made me so dang tired that I fell asleep pretty fast. I also volunteered. It helped me to see that I had it bad, but there were those who had it worse. Those two things were the ONLY two things that made me feel alive. Those may not be your thing, but you might be able to find something to relieve some pain and boredom.

  2. jkyzer says:

    I am feeling the same thing. I lost my husband June 8, 2012. I think we’re on a similar time table. I miss him so much, words can’t describe. Some days I do okay, I’m working on renovating my house. Evenings though, I can’t seem to do anything. I think it’s that that’s when we were just together and I can’t seem to imagine what to do alone.

  3. Dave says:

    Hang in there!! First off I’m sorry for your loss.. As a widow who was left to raise 3 little girls on my own just under 5 years ago.. I know the path you walk very..very well.. Your doing the right thing here.. Keep talking.. It is a cathartic release at times.. Reach out.. don’t get isolated in the process. Listen I can spiel on on what could or might possibly work for you in the cycle.. Right now your still knee deep in the grief cycle.. The first year after your loss you glide through life.. Life is about being Primal and it is about just surviving.. The loneliness you are feeling is part of that too.. As I said I ‘m not trying to hijack your blog.. You have written many very insightful articles and posts.. I just want to offer a suggestion .. Look up a web site called the light beyond( http://www.the light beyond.com.) go to the forum section. I have written over 200 articles I go by the moniker( CAL821 ) there in recovery and day to living.. I’m not affiliated with them in any which way or forum I came across it in 2011 started writing alot of my thoughts down .. I have spoken to many people over the years in our positions. researched, searched, hunted for information. and have mainly objective outlook towards.. recovery.. rebuilding …re investing and re inventing your life… Please don’t get me wrong ( I’m not a know it all or a professional ) Take a look for yourself.. check out the site and the forums.. it’s based out of the UK but people are on it from all over the world.. Take a look and see for your self what I have to say.. You can decide for yourself if I’m full of Sh** or not…
    Other than that I wish you peace

    Cal821

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s