What Helps

I hear the phrase “I’m glad I’m not the only one” in response to my writings on here.

Until you lose your spouse, your partner, your best friend, you have no idea what it’s like.

Other losses are different.  No more or less devastating, but the difference is that when you lose someone NOT your spouse, your spouse is there to comfort you, to hold you, to give you strength.   (Mine was)

When my dad died in 2010, he was there.  He held me, he loved me.  He picked me up from work and took me home and allowed me to cry.   I took that 1/2 day off work and the 2 days that were my weekend and then I went back to my life.   I had my husband there, after all.

But there’s no one here to comfort me in this loss.

I know my friends are all going to say “HEY!!! I”ve BEEN there!!” and yes they have.  My friends are amazing, wonderful people.  I am enormously grateful for them in my life.

At the end of the day, however, they go home.  They go back to their spouse, they go back to their children, they go see their other friends, they live their lives… AS IT SHOULD BE.   That’s how it should be.

At the end of the day, I’m sitting at home, alone, kids in bed, and no one to talk to.

I’ve found two resources that are invaluable:

http://www.thewiddahood.com
http://www.widowedvillage.org

These two places have been my lifesaver – my sanity.

For an unknown reason, I can’t get into thewiddahood.  Apparently other people can – but not me.  This makes me sad because I love the format.   In addition to groups, they have status updates and an activity feed.   I love it.  It’s familiar for me.

I do NOT like the widowedvillage format.  But I love the chat feature.  I love being able to have real time conversations with other people who’ve BEEN THERE.  Who ARE THERE.  Who UNDERSTAND.   And to be able to say to them… “Hey, I get it.  What you’re going through is normal” because someone was able to say that to me… invaluable.

There’s no grief support available for me.  There’s a walking group which meets at 9.30am on Tuesdays – I’m at work.   There’s one on one – but it takes a while for me to get comfortable enough with someone to talk.  (Go figure, I can blah out my innermost feelings on here, but not in person)  But there’s no groups – no way to meet other people who’ve been there.

If you are feeling alone – you’re not.   Come find me at widowedvillage or thewiddahood – mostly at widowedvillage because I can get there and chat – I’m there under the handle of momtofourkids.

You’re not alone.   We just feel that way.

Grief

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One thought on “What Helps

  1. jillhk says:

    Thank you for the suggestions; I will try those forums. I haven’t found anything local either, that’s why I’m looking on-line. I need to find kindred spirits, Lonely is no good. Feeling lonely when surrounded by people is worse.

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