Run it out.
Yoga it out.
Walk it out.
Skate it out.
Work it out.
I know in my other blog I talked about the after-effects of derby practice. How I was riding high on endorphins and was feeling oh so good. (Until I crashed, which happened right around sleep time LOL)
I have heard other widows/widowers talk about working it out. Walking it out. There’s a bereavement walking group here in town.
It’s too bad that grief & depression are such insidious energy-stealers… its one of those things… if you could only get MOVING, the movement would help amazingly.
The problem is, grief weighs you down and you can’t move.
But breaking free of that allows you TO move, to push past and to get out there and make some positive changes in your day.
Last night, I managed to start crying. I managed to break the wall and start sobbing, releasing some of the sadness. I’m good at holding the sadness in. I’m not so good at letting it go. But I managed to last night.
And then I was afraid it wouldn’t stop. I had roller derby practice at 8, and at 715 I was still trying to get the tears under control.
Finally they stopped – and I was off to derby, still teary, very red-eyed, and afraid of another breakdown in the middle of practice.
It didn’t happen. What happened instead is I started moving with the rest of the team. I started pushing myself, and by the end of the warm up, all I could think of was how wallowing in grief for the past 3 weeks has affected my body.
Last night hurt. Physically hurt. By the end of it, however, I was feeling so good. I had a positive outlook on the rest of the day, and I was ready to tackle a cross-training program that will get me to where I want to be.
Most importantly, as much as I miss Mark, there was no ovewhelming need to cry, no blocked sadness making my chest tight and my throat clogged.
There was peace, tiredness, and a desperate need for a shower LOL
You don’t need to roller skate. Just move. Go for a walk with a friend. Do some yoga – there’s some amazing tapes out there that are fantastic – one of my favourites is AM/PM Yoga for beginners – it’s a quick 15 minute yoga stretching that allows you to centre your mind and move your body.
But get moving. Because stagnating and wallowing in grief, although absolutely needed, will keep you exactly where you are.
You can only move past it if you’re willing to move.
Roller derby has saved my life, my sanity, and given me a lifeline when I was drowning. My team gave me an “Awesomness Award” of being the “Comeback Kid” For returning to skates after a shitstorm….
What they don’t really realize is that without derby… I may not have come back. It forced me to move, forced me to interact with other people, and forced me to step outside my grief.
In my house? I can hide. I can isolate. I can pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist.
Roller derby saved my sanity, and is helping me to be a better parent & friend to those who have been there for me.
Find what works for you, and skate it out…. it helps… more than I realized.