Why are they so much more…. painful… than other days?

What makes the 6 month, the 9 month, the 1 year worse than 6 months and 17 days?

Why is Mother’s Day and Father’s Day so much worse?

New Years? Christmas? Thanksgiving? Easter?

Why is it that we place so much importance on those days?

He’s dead.  He’s not coming back.  He’s going to be gone whether it’s Christmas Eve, Christmas Day or July 10th.

He’s always going to be gone.

But they do hurt more.

In a few days… February 1, is our anniversary of when we got together.   It would have been 15 years.

Holy. Fucking. Hell.

In a chat on Widowed Village someone mentioned that her anniversary was coming up and she was going to CELEBRATE IT…  and at the end of the day, release a balloon and a handwritten note.

I love this.

15 freaking years.  15 years he’s been my Love, my life, my best friend… 15 years since he first called me up and said he wanted to get together.

I miss him.  I miss his presence.  I miss his strength.  I miss being able to talk to him.  It might sound strange – but in everything that’s going on with George – I want to be able to talk to him, get his feedback…and I can’t.  He was the one who was always there for me, always had my back and kept me strong.

In 5 days, another first will go by… largely unnoticed by anyone but me.   February 1 will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart.   It will ALWAYS be a day I remember…

Last year, he was waking up out of the drug-induced coma, and he was relatively awake on Feb 1.  I came to the hospital, saw him… and the first thing he said to me was “Happy Anniversary my Love”

Best freaking anniversary ever.

It’s still so surreal that he’s not here…

On February 1, I will go to his favourite spot on the river, and I will release a balloon for him…

Anniversaries of any sort hurt.  But there’s good memories, too.

I Miss You


One thought on “‘Verseraries

  1. Sierra says:

    What a beautiful tribute to you and Mark. I love it!

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