Widow

Widow is defined as “A woman who’s spouse has died and who has not remarried”

By that definition – I am a widow.  By any definition, I am a widow.

I’ve taken my ring off my left hand, moved it to my right.

His ring is on his urn on the shelf.

He died – I have not remarried.

But when I go to Facebook, a place that means nothing, is nothing, just a time waster… and try to set my relationship status as “widow” it just seems… wrong.

I don’t want to lose the connection to him.   Every where there are threads breaking.   Every where there are connections being severed.

I go to the *edit* and see his face looking back at me and I don’t want to sever that last connection.

But I am a widow.

Do you have kids?  Remember when they were babies and just before they learned a new skill they’d get all cranky and irritable?   You couldn’t figure out what was going on and then suddenly they could roll over or stand on their own and suddenly back to their normal smiling selves?

That’s how this feels.   I feel like the angst and the arguing back and forth is a precursor for something to shift internally.    Since the “widow” thing is on my mind… that’s probably it.   I might be surprised.

But forever, in my heart, I am Mark’s wife.

Mark in Fruitvale

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2 thoughts on “Widow

  1. I totally get that. I believe that I am still married to a husband who happens to now reside in Heaven.

    • widowwisdom says:

      Ok totally understand. Widow is something none of us should be at such a young age. I was 27. He wasn’t in the military and he wasn’t sick. So now what. After four and a half years I have finally come out on fb as in a relationship even though we’ve been together a little over six months. Relationship status has never ben my thing because as you know widow means talking about something we already are trying to ignore. My kiddo wasn’t even two when he died so know you’re never alone.

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