Widow is defined as “A woman who’s spouse has died and who has not remarried”
By that definition – I am a widow. By any definition, I am a widow.
I’ve taken my ring off my left hand, moved it to my right.
His ring is on his urn on the shelf.
He died – I have not remarried.
But when I go to Facebook, a place that means nothing, is nothing, just a time waster… and try to set my relationship status as “widow” it just seems… wrong.
I don’t want to lose the connection to him. Every where there are threads breaking. Every where there are connections being severed.
I go to the *edit* and see his face looking back at me and I don’t want to sever that last connection.
But I am a widow.
Do you have kids? Remember when they were babies and just before they learned a new skill they’d get all cranky and irritable? You couldn’t figure out what was going on and then suddenly they could roll over or stand on their own and suddenly back to their normal smiling selves?
That’s how this feels. I feel like the angst and the arguing back and forth is a precursor for something to shift internally. Since the “widow” thing is on my mind… that’s probably it. I might be surprised.
But forever, in my heart, I am Mark’s wife.