Fifteen Years

Fifteen years ago, yesterday… I walked into where Mark worked, slightly inebriated and said to him…

“You know what your problem is?  You need your world rocked.  When you’re ready to have your world rocked, give me a call.”

Fifteen years ago today… he called me.

We have always noted this as our “getting together” day.   Every year, we celebrated our anniversary… so we got two annivversaries… the day we got together and the day we got married.

Last year, he was just coming out of the drug induced coma, he had been extubated, and he was able to talk.   When I walked into the ICU unit, he said to me “Happy Anniversary my Love…”

Best, sweetest thing I ever heard.   I fully expected him to come home to me, to spend the summer getting better, to celebrate our anniversary.   I had told his sister that we were going to do the 2012 Smith family camping at Alice Lake (right near our house) because then he could go home if he needed to.  I had made that executive decision.    I hadn’t told anyone but a couple friends, but I wanted to renew our vows last anniversary.   His family would all be there, he’d be home and getting better….

Instead we held his memorial 4 days after our 13th wedding annivesary.

Today, I woke up and went to the dollar store, bought a purple helium heart balloon, and wrote him a note….

I walked down to one of his favourite fishing spots, the spot where we scattered some of his ashes last year.    I walked along the train bridge, spent some time talking to him… and then let the balloon and note float away…

Fifteen years.   Once upon a time I never thought I’d be married. I never thought I’d have a relationship that happy, healthy and lasted longer than a couple years.

But he was it for me… and today, I spent some time remembering him, remembering those first few weeks together, remembering how, when I showed up on his doorstep, he pulled me close and got that first kiss out of the way so there’d be nothing awkward later…

I miss him.  I miss how easily we fit together, right from the start.   I miss how right it felt, all the time.   Even when we were fighting,  we always felt like we fit together.

I was blessed because I was loved by him.   And because I got to love him.



I love this picture – it was taken while we lived in Terrace – in the first couple of years of our relationship.   He never changed… always looked just as sexxy as he does here…

Christmas 2011


This is Christmas 2011.   The only difference is that his awesome red hair was slightly whiter…   But he was still just as sexxy at 49 as he was at 35.

Happy Anniversary my Love….


3 thoughts on “Fifteen Years

  1. candice says:

    That is so heartfelt and very touching Jane. I am sorry for your terrible loss and I am sure it is still very hard to live everyday without him. Thinking of you xox Candice

  2. As I so often do, I relate so much to what you are saying.
    We, also, had two anniversaries.
    We, too, had hopes that recovery would be real.
    We, too,, had planned a renewal of vows.
    Thank you, again, for putting feelings into words so effectively.

  3. […] This post tells the story. […]

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