Snarky, cranky, sad, and just generally in a bad mood.
I need to find something that helps with those feelings because they happen a LOT at this time of night.
I need to find a way to make this time of night a good time of night.
Not that I can right now because I’m still recovering from the flu – but there’s a number of things that might work.
Writing (other than the blogs – which I do anyhow)
Studying for my CAIB 4 exam.
Cleaning another part of the house. (I wonder how clean my house would be if I deep cleaned a different room every night?)
Writing the damn book.
I can’t take the dog for a walk because the boys need me to stay here.
OH! I could find someone to play long distance chess with :p
I could repaint my house.
Put in new flooring.
Tile my kitchen.
What I don’t want to do is stare at the damn computer every night. Or the TV. I want to be active and enjoy my evenings.
That’s a choice. It’s my choice. And I’m not going to let the grief win. I’ll feel it. I’ll live with it. I’ll move through it. I’m going to honour it and Mark with all the dignity and depth of feeling that he deserved – and he deserved a lot.
But I need to live my life. I need to pull myself out of the holes and find the light. There is light out there. There is joy. And I’ll find it.
I just need to heal from this flu.