Tiny Little Pieces

A few years back, Mark and I were in the kitchen when the phone rang.

(as a side note, my legal first name is Mary – I don’t use it)

I answered, and the voice on the other end said “Is this Mary?  It’s Mark’s Dad!”

Mark’s dad had been deceased since the mid-80’s – so we were a little bit flummoxed on this one.

I responded that I thought he had the wrong number – that yes, I was Mary S— and yes, my husband was Mark S— but no, we weren’t the correct ones he was looking for.

It became a joke between us in the years that followed… the “other” Mary and Mark S—- living in the same town.

We knew there were other Mark S—‘s because we ran into that issue at the pharmacy – another one had the same birthday, only 20 years older!  (is it wrong that I’m sad and angry that that Mark gets to live 20 years longer than my husband?)

Turns out one of my good friends knows the other Mary & Mark.   We had a brief conversation about it yesterday on her couch.

Then last night, she and I were at the casino…and who walks up?   The other Mary…

She’s a lovely young lady.  She’s beautiful.  She’s friendly. She’s got this light that shines out – and that was what I saw from a brief 2 minute conversation.

And my heart broke.

Remembering the conversation, remembering that day in the kitchen, remembering my husband…. My heart broke a bit over the reminder of what I’ll never have again…

Because of that – I probably drank a bit more than I would have otherwise…. I gambled away a bit more than I might have…  it didn’t take away the sadness though.

I woke up with the sadness – knowing that I’m going to finish his memorial tattoo today – I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to hold in emotionally…

I miss him, so much.  The last thing I think about at night is Mark.  I say good night to him every single night.  I tell him how much I miss him.  How much I love him.  I talk to him every night.

He is such an integral part of who I am… I was blessed because of him….

Mark in Fruitvale


2 thoughts on “Tiny Little Pieces

  1. Jenny C says:

    Sad, beautiful…….

  2. we get blind-sided by these events. the memories can be hard but are so important. thanks as always for bearing your soul. it helps me in my grieving.

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