I went to Maple Ridge to visit family and get the colour put into the memorial tattoo for Mark.
I blogged about being emotional, and feeling sad, and for the most part – that feeling permeated my weekend.
I got to explain to a new person what happened with my husband… I think that’s the worst.
One day I’m going to write a “business card” type thing and hand it to people… the explaining can get difficult because at *this* point, I want to present facts and move past that conversation – but most people want to be all empathetic and crap. (Which is really nice, but in the middle of the supermarket or on a happy girls’ night out – not the best place – once I’m in that sad place, I’m THERE)
And then this morning, I got the tattoo coloured. The colours are beautiful. I love them. They are stunning and add more to the already incredible job that was done on the tattoo.
Just as a plug for them… Sink the Ink Tattoo and specifically their head artist Brian Snively. If you’re in the Lower Mainland and looking for a tattoo – they’re AMAZING.
I cried during the tattoo. I don’t cry when I’m in physical pain. I swear. I called Brian a motherf*#&er. I swear a LOT when I’m hurting.
I cried. Brian asked me if I needed to stop – I said no – it wasn’t from the tattoo… he told me that if I needed to stop – we could.
I just cried. Until it hurt again, and then I swore… LOL
But the colour is in. I’ll likely need touch ups – but the colour is in.
It seems like, as the tattoo is finished, the taxes are done, and one by one, firsts are coming and going, that the distance is getting too great… that the expectation will be at some point that I put him in a box and put the pain and grief away… that I will be “over” it and “moving on” from it.
I can’t see that I will ever be “over” him. I can’t see that… ever happening.
He is a part of me, forever. The tattoo, the pendant, a part of me…
Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him… a LOT.
The tattoo with colour…