3rd Wheel

Every once in a while, the reality of bieng a “widow” sneaks up on me.

Widow is not just “woman who lost her husband” but widow also means “hey guess what?!? you’re SINGLE again”

So it means that you never have a plus 1.

I want to invite people for dinner and cards – but I’m missing my other half – my partner in Euchre.

I want to go out and do stuff – but I’m the single woman there.

I want to go to parties, but I don’t want to walk in alone.

Funny how when he was alive – I had no problem going to places alone – I think it was because I knew I had him to come home to.  Now, I go alone, I come home alone, I sleep alone.

I was talking to an old friend today – he’s seeing this lovely lady who’s becoming a new friend – and I thought “It would be nice to have them over for dinner” and then thought… ffs… where’s Mark?? Will it be weird to have a couple over when I’m a single?

I feel odd about it.   Mark and I liked to do “couple” things.  No matter what we did, or who we were with, we always came home to each other.  I miss that.

On a daily basis I’m reminded of the things that made us such great partners – he was the yang to my yin.  We complemented each other and now I feel off course – like a boat that suddenly lost one of it’s oars.

Feeling like the 3rd wheel is not something I like… I miss being a part of a couple – but only when it’s right.  Being part of the wrong couple is worse than being alone, I think.

I miss him.   How can one person miss another this much and still function?

Depend on Yourself

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One thought on “3rd Wheel

  1. afichereader says:

    I was widowed in May, and I’ve been working through the same things. I had that feeling of being “single” on a recent Friday night. I am noticeably not part of a couple anymore, and the invitations to social functions are diminishing. But like you, I’d rather be alone than in a bad relationship.
    I think it’s time to rethink social life, to find new social venues in this new single state. I don’t know what they are, but I know that more things have to change.

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