Are You Ready?

Are you ready?

This is the question posed to me this morning… are you ready?

Am I ready to go to work full time?

Am I ready to let go of being “disabled” and move back into the work force full time?

Am I ready to accept that I have healed enough to be in control of my own life?

Am I ready to be fully in control of my life, my house, my kids?  (yeah yeah, I get that no one is ever in control of their kids)

Am I ready?

I’d like to say no.  I’d like for there to be a major backslide and for me to fall into dispair, perhaps end up in a mental hospital and be just “ok” enough to run my life.

But I’m not.  And I’m not capable of faking it. So as much as I *like* working only 3 or 4 days a week – I’m ready to be working full time.

What I am is ready to get back to real life, to take responsibility for my home, to take charge of my career, to be present.

I still have moments.  I still have times where I hurt so bad I’m crying while I’m doing 80+kms an hour down the road to home.  I still have evenings where I rock myself back and forth trying to shake off the pain and lonliness.

But I’m ready to live life.  However that looks right now.   I’m ready.





2 thoughts on “Are You Ready?

  1. You have really inspired me with this post. There are some days when I still feel so low, but there are more days now, when I feel better, when I really need to acknowledge how far I’ve come. You are acknowledging it, and I feel happy for you, I feel proud of you, as I know how hard grief-work is, for all of us. It might sound cheesy, but I want to say, “go sister, go! I’m right behind you.”

    • sunnyjane says:

      Grief is really freaking hard. It’s so brutal some days. We’re going to get through this – all of us.

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