Did You Exercise mom?

This was the question posed to me by my 12 year old last night.

A note to followers of both my blogs – I will be copy/pasting this directly into the other blog – it fits in both.

So back to the question.

My children, for a long time, have been aware of my weight loss efforts. My children have been aware of how being overweight has affected my ability and desire to do anything active.

Its basic. When I exercise, I have more energy. When I have more energy, I want to do more. When I do more, I get fitter. When I get fitter, I want to exercise more. And when I exercise, I have more energy. Round and round and round I go.

I took one of those links out of the circle a few weeks back when I stopped skating with the team and decided to focus on my boys.

An interesting, if predictable thing happened.

I stopped skating 2X a week, and suddenly I didn’t have as much energy. I then got sick and my running was cut out as well. And then I had *no* energy.

So my days have been spent reading, crafting, doing quiet stuff with the boys, and cleaning the house.

And my energy has been dropping.

On Sunday, I made my kids clean up the family room. The rule was that I needed to be able to access my exercise equipment because I wanted to get up at 5.30am and exercise. Every. Day.

Last night, two days after the clean up, my 12 year old asks: “Did you exercise yet Mom?”

So I asked him why he cared if I exercised. He mumbled something about me and making them clean the room, blah blah blah… and I looked at him and said “Are you concerned about my health?”

Yep. That’s it. My boys are concerned that I won’t live a long healthy life. They want me around. They don’t want to be orphans. This is bothering them enough that they ask me if I’ve exercised and have I been eating healty.

I wonder how many things have changed in their psyche’s. How the fears of their Mom dying like their Dad did will affect their lives.

I have the opportunity right now to change how my children see me. I have the opportunity every day to make better choices. I can do my best to be around for a long long time.

But did I exercise today? No. Today I got up and cleaned my kitchen. Last night I folded laundry. Tonight, I’ll do a 15 min run on my treadmill before craft night.

I’d like to answer every day with “Yes, I did exercise today.”

It's Too Late

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One thought on “Did You Exercise mom?

  1. What about when there is no one, no one at all, to worry about you?

    As a portal of entry health care provider, I care for my own patients day in, day out, but at the end of the day there is no one personally concerned about MY life.

    This is what it feels like to constantly care for other people’s needs in my practice, whilst now starving from the loss of my dear husband..:

    It’s like being fed junk food for the first 40 years of my life, and then being fed a 10 year feast of the finest turkey, fresh salads, cheeses, fine wines (wines being my husband’s love), fresh home baked bread, and fresh vegetables, and then being having it all taken away and forced to starved to death in a concentration camp whilst at the same time being forced while in that concentration camp to prepare the same perfect feast for others the same turkey, fresh salads, breads, cheeses, wines, and vegetables and desserts for others to enjoy (ie.. taking care of my patients and being their cheerleader) – and yet starving because “no, you, my darling, can’t have what everybody else haves, no, your husband had to die”. . You’ll just have to do with solitary imprisonment. Ha ha ha ha HA!”

    I take care of other people, my patients and their needs, like a person being starved in a concentration camp being forced to cook a perfect feast for others, whilst being deprived and starved.

    It is too one sided, and unbalanced and I will die from it if it continues – not that it matters to anyone if that happens, it simply does not.

    Personally I’m not the most important person to anyone now, and there is no one really that would truly be affected and at a loss (who is in partnership with me) if I did starve to death, which I am doing.

    Sorry to be a downer, but it is speaking the truth. I’m a clever woman, a doctor, and a business owner – and I have tried and tried and tried to reach out for help, but to no avail. I will die from this. And why not? My husband is dead anyway. Yes, I will die of a broken heart. At least I’ve written about it here publicly, because it truly truly matters to NO ONE on a personal level, whether I am here or not. My patients can find another provider, I have lost hope and truly feel defeated. I’m in year two (at 13 months following my dear sweet husband’s death).

    At least I’ve declared the majesty of our wonderful marriage in a memorial website. (no one cares about that really, either)

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