9 months. Why do people think pregnancies are 9 months long? They’re 9 1/2 months if you’re going by a calendar, 10 months if you’re going lunar. But it’s not *really* 9 months. Maybe because 9 months is how long it is once you’ve missed that first period… then there’s 9 calendar months after that.
At 9 months pregnant, it’s a fully formed baby, capable of breathing on its own, functioning and surviving out of the womb.
At 9 months old, my youngest son was walking.
9 months ago, I was saying goodbye to my husband.
In the last 9 months, a new life has slowly emerged. A life of widowhood. A life of single parenthood. A life of single womanhood. A life I neither wanted, nor expected, but is, nonetheless, a life I am learning to embrace.
The pregnant pause of intense grief, intense sorrow, intense numbness… that has slowly melted away, and I emerge … stronger? wiser? sadder? I emerge a new person, with a new life ahead of me. The grief still hits me in waves, but the frequency of those waves is lessening, to a degree. The ferocity with which they hit me seems to be somewhat less as well.
The next 9 months will take me to Christmas 2013. It will have taken me past most of the firsts… some still waiting to happen… but I will be well into my second year as a widow, single parent and single woman. It will be interesting to who I’ve become, and what my transformation looks like.
9 months today.