I’m getting better at holding it together when someone asks me about my husband.
Today – our office was audited by head office. The lovely woman who came in to do the audit (to ensure compliance) said to me: “Oh I have you on leave still!”
She was slightly confused why, if I was back from leave, wasn’t I doing ALL my job, why I was still holding back on part of it.
I explained to her… why I was off in the first place, which then led to a discussion about what happened, what went wrong, how long he was in the hospital and how I needed 6 months to lose my mind before I came back and now I was just slowly easing back to work.
By the end of the conversation, she was very sympathetic/empathetic/compassionate and I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes… and I just… took a deep breath.
Her only response to me about the story of Mark was “My hat’s off to you for being here”
I’m getting better at breathing through it. I’m getting better at putting it aside.
There will be a time when I’m having a bad day and someone asks me what happened, and I’ll lose my shit – but in the meantime… I keep moving forward.
And each day I speak of him keeps his memory alive. He lives in my boys. I have such fantastic, amazing memories of him….