Emotional Masochism…

I’m somewhat stupidly masochistic when it comes to movies and books.   I watch and read Nicolas Sparks.  I watch and read anything of the same genre.

And I cry.

And I am sitting here, in my bedroom, movie on, trying to cry quietly so my daughter doesn’t hear.

I’m sitting here, having just watched “Safe Haven” and thinking to myself…. “Why do I DO that to myself??”

If you don’t know – Safe Haven is a love story about a widower and a woman with a secret.

Did I really think that there wouldn’t be some incredibly moving, some incredibly touching point in the movie which is designed to not only tug but RIP at my heartstrings?

Did I think I was going to get away with the typical drama/love fest points?

Yeah.  Apparently I did.  Apparently I forgot how Nicholas Sparks can fuck with my emotions.

The last scene just about killed me.   I’m not going to go into  details; if you haven’t watched it and want to, I won’t spoil it for you.

But it just about killed me.

And now I can’t stop crying again…

And I probably wont’ stop watching the movies… they help me cry, help me deal, help me process.

I will *NEVER* stop loving him.  No matter what happens, no matter who else I love, no matter where else my life takes me… I will *ALWAYS* love him…

I miss him.  So much.

Mark in Fruitvale



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