Changes… and more changes…

“Do me a favour?  Don’t pack anything that will make you emotional…”

I snorted at the person I was talking to who said that.

It doesn’t matter what I pack or don’t pack. It doesn’t matter if I’m sorting through pictures of my children’s earlier years. I doesn’t matter if I’m packing dishes.

It all hurts.

I have a limited time frame.   I can’t work for long. I reach a point and I’m done.  The triggers are too overwhelming. It hurts too much.

In the end – I know that it will all be ok.   I know that I will feel better for having delcuttered and downsized.

But for now… it hurts.

It hurts to pack things away. It hurts to let things go.

And it hurts to stay.

“We change when the pain to change is less than the pain to remain as we are.”

The pain of change is less than the pain of staying where I am.   The longer I’m here, the more I hurt, the more I fall into the hole of “I don’t want to, I don’t care, I just want to hide”

And so I’m changing.

So for tonight, I opted not to pack anything.  I don’t know if I’m going to stick with that plan – but for now, it seems reasonable.   I’m tired, it’s 1opm, and I may just go to bed.

Change happens.  It’s inevitable.  The only question is… will I be the one directing the change, or will the change be directing me?

Small doses though… at least for the next 2 1/2 months 😉

New Beginnings

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