Grandbaby!!!

I got news today that in January 2014 I will be a Gramma.

I am OVER THE TOP EXCITED about this!!

I have had serious baby lust for several years now as my boys have grown older and moved past the baby/toddler stage.   I have been shot down… he felt too old.  There was no guarantee we’d get a girl.  He didn’t really have the energy for a little one.   Wait for grandkids, he said.

So I let the dream… fall to the wayside.    I let it go.  In my heart, my family has not felt complete, but with all his health problems… I knew it was for the best.

So together we dreamed and planned and looked forward to the day where we’d be Gramma and Grampa.

And then he got sick and died.

I didn’t let go of the dream of having a grandbaby – but I didn’t think about it much.   After all – I have 2 boys to raise to adulthood and my older kids are in the middle of persueing their dreams.   Grandbabies didn’t seem like they’d be in the works anytime soon.

This morning, I got a text from my oldest son’s fiance…. a picture of a positive pregnancy test.

In the space of 30 seconds, I rapidly cycled between elation (YAY BABIES!!!) to deep sorrow that he couldn’t be here to celebrate this with me.

This is something we were supposed to do together.

The news was slightly bittersweet.   A few tears escaped… joy? sorrow?  I wasn’t sure.  But overall – the pervasive feeling is one of joy, elation, excitement and impatience.

I want to meet my new grandbaby, dammit!!

I am hoping there will be something to honour Mark in the baby’s name…but if not, that’s their choice – they have plans and hopes and dreams for their child.

But I get to spoil that baby rotten…. 😀 And then give him/her back to his/her parents, after 😛

ps_2013_05_29___17_22_25

The babydaddy – 1 year old 🙂

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