I am Just

If you’re a child of the 80’s and a fan of science fiction – you’ll remember the TV mini-series “V” that was on in the early 80’s.

One of the scenes I remember vividly is when Robert Englund (Willie) meets Diane Carey (Harmony) when Robert is lost.   He is a stranger in a foreign land, not *quite* understanding the language and having difficulties finding his way around.

Harmony Moore: Don’t let it spaz you. Let me help you.
Willie: Help, yes!
[pulling out the map]
Willie: Help to go
[pointing to a spot on the map]
Willie: to this place.
Harmony Moore: You don’t know where to go?
Willie: I’m just.
Harmony Moore: You mean “lost.”
Willie: [he gets it] Lost! Yes…

After Mark died… I felt the same way…. a stranger in a foreign land not *quite* understanding the language.   Suddenly everything I knew didn’t make sense any more.  I was just.

People would talk to me and I would look at them with confusion.   They were speaking the language I’d been speaking all my life but suddenly it didn’t make sense anymore.

My life didn’t make sense.  Who I was didn’t make sense.

I was just.

I am coming to the point now where I’m no longer just.  Where the words are starting to make sense again and I am starting to understand better.   And then every once in a while…. the world stops making sense again and I am just.   Especially when it’s one of my kids who is hurting… and I can’t help them…. because they are just and I don’t know how to make the world make sense for them.

Lost sign




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