Things Unexpected (redux)

…. the man who sat down at my desk to do his car insurance and announced “I just had a stroke, there’s a weird feeling in my arm”

Really?  Why why WHY is the man who probably requires medical attention sitting at my desk and getting car insurance instead of going to the hospital?

…. looking for someone in my contacts list and seeing my Love’s gorgeous blue eyes staring at me.

That made me want to go back and look at the last few texts from him.  I still do.

…. the moment when my boyfriend turned off the music we were listening to to put on something his boys wanted to hear

That was something Mark would have done for his boys.

…. flipping through pictures and seeing him in the hospital

I love the look in his eyes.  Even at the end, when he was desperately sick and knew the morning meant that he would be shutting off the machines, he still had that look in his eyes.  The love, the devotion, just shone through every. single. time.



This is the first time I’ve publicly shared a picture of him in the hospital.   This was taken 2 months after he went into ICU.  I would have another 3 1/2 months with him at this point… I wish I’d known then that the time was going to be so short…

I’d really like for all things unexpected to stop showing up while I’m at work.  I just *don’t* want to start crying here… it’s been too soon since I started… blarg.

2 thoughts on “Things Unexpected (redux)

  1. Judy says:

    That picture of your beautiful husband really hit a nerve with me. It is almost a year since my husband had a stroke in Las Vegas and was put on a ventilator. He died two short weeks later.

    It’s hard when the grief hits you at work. Luckily I have an office where I can close the door when I need to and let the tears flow.

  2. otty says:

    Oh ladies, so i am not the only one watching her husband die…he was 27 when got brain cancer, I’m 29, he past away in march and we’ve been together one year but married only a month before he died…i feel like I’m going nuts and i work with people and it’s the worst to contact with almost all of them..feels like even my friends are not friends no more…i took 1 week brake and just locked myself at home and turned off my phone so i can grieve with out anybody telling me how…but just like you said, the waives are hitting and i feel like he died yesterday all over again…i snap at my friends with no reason and can’t control it then they mad at me and make my grieving worse filling it with guilt for them and my husband. ..uhhh makes me cream till i can’t anymore. ..

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