Twin Rivers of Emotion

It’s been said that hate is the opposite of love.  That sorrow is the opposite of joy.

That, my friends, is simply untrue.

Hate and love and sorrow and joy – they are all the opposite of apathy and indifference.

Feeling versus not feeling.

Some days I’d like the “not feeling” because the feeling is just a bit too intense at times.

As the holidays approach, as I create a lovely Christmas for my family, the level of joy I feel about my first Christmas with my new love and his boys is directly proportional to the level of sorrow I feel that we’re spending another Christmas without Mark.

It’s entirely possible to feel two things at once.  To feel happiness and sadness together, like twin rivers of emotion running through my body, running through my soul.

Some days, the river of joy catches me and carries me along.  Some days the river of sorrow catches me and pulls me into it.

Some days… I’m fighting to stay upright as they both pull at me.

Christmas hurts.  Christmas is awesome.  Christmas is joy.  Christmas is love.  Christmas is sorrow.

I want to just feel one or the other – the constant tug of both is exhausting…

All I want for Christmas


2 thoughts on “Twin Rivers of Emotion

  1. Catherine says:

    I to know these feelings. This is my first Christmas without my Love, 20 yrs of shared Christmases. It’s only been six months and if I didn’t have the children I don’t know if I would even had put up the tree. But I’m here and await to see my love again…

  2. Tara says:

    I know exactly how you feel. I have a wonderful new love in my life, but mourn the loss of my husband at the same time, and what that means for our child, too. Thanks for posting this.

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