A lot of my blog posts are emotionally driven. Something happens, I have a reaction, I must write about it.
Lately, more of my posts are prompted.
I wonder – does that mean my ability to write is being compromised? That my creativity is waning? Or just that the emotional turmoil is settling and I don’t get as much charge out of writing the more mundane things about being a widow?
I’m certainly more articulate, more passionate when there’s feelings fuelling the posts. But when I’m chronicling the little bits… I wonder if I’m still having the same impact. Do my readers still get the same satisfaction out of reading this?
Then I remember… I’m writing for me.
Except I’m not anymore. I am, but I’m also writing for the people out there who may come across my blog and realize… they are not alone in this.
They are not the only one with multiple kids who’s husband died after a long illness. They are not the only widow who started dating shortly after their spouse’s death. They are not the only one involved in a new relationship barely a year after their spouse’s death.
They are not the only one dealing with twin rivers of grief/sorrow and love/joy.
So I worry… does my writing suffer when I’m not “divinely inspired” but have a prompt to guide me? Or does it make me a better writer because I can start something based on 3 words… and realize that I’m not the only writer out there who worries that their writing isn’t good enough?
The book is still coming… I just have to heal enough to write it. In the meantime, I’ll try to keep the anxiety about my blog writing at bay… The source of my anxiety is not that I *have* to write… it’s that I wonder if I’ll ever run out of things to say… if I’ll run out of things to write about.