I see things like that a lot.
So I changed. Just like that.
But then… when I’m in the middle of it, I feel more like this:
And I wonder why I can’t swim.
Why I’m drowning instead if I’m supposed to be able to change… “just like that”
Grief and depression… very confusing and very misleading….
Because I remember, when I’m feeling good, snapping out of the grief and depression and wondering WTF am I doing? Why am I feeling like this when I KNOW I can change “just like that” and then I fall in a hole.
And I’m broken.
And I’ve been broken for a while now.
Christmas. New Years. My Birthday. January 19. January 21. Feb 1. And now we’re coming up on Feb 14.
That marks the end of the 2 month stretch of *dates* and *anniversaries* and the clusterfuck of emotions I don’t have time to process.
There will be others… His birthday, Father’s day, his Angelversary, our anniversary…. but those are spread out enough that I can process in between.
I have good moments. I have a good life. I am just stuck in depression while my mind and heart process the life I lost.
Eventually, I’ll be able to see the light again…
But for now all I know is…