I saw this post on FB:
And it’s so true.
There’s this wordless scream going through my head… “HELP ME… MAKE IT STOP”
But no one can hear.
Even when someone says “are you all right? Do you need something” The “I’m fine” comes out of my mouth faster than I can think to answer honestly.
Although it IS sort of honest.
I’ve been fine since the day he got sick. I got even more fine when he died. And then fine hit it’s *finest* moments when I changed my life entirely.
Except I’m drowning. And no one knows it.
And somehow I have to communicate that to my doctor, my counsellor and the psychiatrist that I’m going to see next week.
Somehow I need to communicate effectively how much I AM drowning and how much I desperately want to breathe again. How much I want to feel GOOD again.
Without being flippant. Without brushing it off.
Without just saying “I’m fine”
Because I’m not fine. I’m not ok.
I want to be though. I really, really want to be.