Trying to find the balance between devastating, soul-wrenching grief and the joy and love of a new relationship is a balance that I never thought I would have to find.
I miss Mark.
I miss him in ways that tear me apart.
I still have moments where I feel like this is surreal. Like any moment someone is going to tell me that nope – this was all a bad dream, that he’s actually coming home.
Those moments are so heart wrenching, so soul tearing they leave me breathless and shaken.
And then… I look at my life. The man who is my second chapter. The children who I’m coming to love as my own.
I can’t imagine giving them up. I can’t imagine life without them. It would *devastate* me to lose them.
I don’t want to spend my life without them.
I look at Mike and my heart is filled with joy and love and happiness.
It’s a bit of a split personality.
But each day, I’m grateful for what I had, sad and missing what I had but so incredibly happy with what I have.
It’s a balance.