I Thought I was Past This

The painful, twisty, barely breathing, throat hurts, snotty, tears running down my face kind of sobbing.

The pain that twists my insides and leaves me gasping for breath.

The pain that doubles me over and leaves me curled up in a little ball.

The sadness that overflows and leaves me unable to do anything but cry.

The stupid thing is that it was good news that triggered it.

My brother-in-law and nephew are thinking about coming up here this weekend.

Visiting.

Seeing us for the first time in a year and a half.

And about 1/2 hour after the conversation… the tears started.  And kept going.  And wouldn’t stop.

And now I have a headache.

I’m grateful that I’m alone right now… it’s a guilty pleasure to be able to cry and just let go and not worry about how someone else will feel about my sadness.  Just be sad.  Just grieve.

I don’t do that very often.  Too often I’m either holding it in because I don’t want to upset the others around me or I’m not able to let it go because I’ve held it in so long…

I miss him.   I miss him so very much.

Grey's Anatomy

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2 thoughts on “I Thought I was Past This

  1. Tara says:

    God, do I ever understood. Holidays are the worst and Easter break started today for our 13 year old daughter. It’s so unfair to her. I put on my happy face despite feeling like I’ll burst into tears at any moment. She’s been working hard to make the high school dance team and today’s tryouts. But Daddy won’t be here to congratulate her and celebrate when she makes it. I try, but I can’t make up for the way he spoiled his baby girl…

  2. It has been a year and a half for me and I still cry every day at some point in my day. I don’t know when it will end, but it won’t be today.

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