Widow

It’s almost two years since he died.

22 months.

In that time… I’ve never heard someone refer to me as a widow.

Tonight… was the first time.

Mark’s brother was talking to a friend and he let him know that he was at his brother’s wife’s, his brother’s widow’s house.

He called me his brother’s widow.

Yeah, I get it.  I’m a widow.

I’ve just never heard anyone refer to me as a widow before.

I’ve called myself a widow.

I’ve called others widows.

But never heard someone else refer to me as a widow.

It’s like a sucker punch to the stomach.

Making it real again.

I get it – it never stops being real.  But I can segregate that part of my mind – the part that knows he’s dead and never coming back and I’m his widow.

And tonight, it was made real again.

I am Mark’s widow.

I am not his wife any longer.  I’ll never be his wife again.

I am his widow.

Mark and Jane Kissing

Mar & Jane Wedding

Mark's Urn

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One thought on “Widow

  1. gloriamidwife says:

    It’s a strange thing to be called, is it not? The first time I told someone I was a widow, I almost felt like I was talking about someone else. I still refer to my husband as my husband and have to correct myself to talk about him in past tense. They say time makes it easier, but I’m still waiting…I hope you find peace as well.

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