It’s almost two years since he died.
In that time… I’ve never heard someone refer to me as a widow.
Tonight… was the first time.
Mark’s brother was talking to a friend and he let him know that he was at his brother’s wife’s, his brother’s widow’s house.
He called me his brother’s widow.
Yeah, I get it. I’m a widow.
I’ve just never heard anyone refer to me as a widow before.
I’ve called myself a widow.
I’ve called others widows.
But never heard someone else refer to me as a widow.
It’s like a sucker punch to the stomach.
Making it real again.
I get it – it never stops being real. But I can segregate that part of my mind – the part that knows he’s dead and never coming back and I’m his widow.
And tonight, it was made real again.
I am Mark’s widow.
I am not his wife any longer. I’ll never be his wife again.
I am his widow.