Two years ago, a light died in my life. My husband, my best friend, father of 2 of my children and Dad to all of them, let go of his fight to stay with us.
We had an amazing last night together. We talked, we laughed, we cried, I comforted him, he comforted me, we loved each other fiercely and without reservation.
For a long time I was angry. Angry at him. Angry at the doctors who didn’t FIX him. Angry at the doctor who tried to make me guilt him into trying a little harder. Angry that my kids would have to go the rest of their lives without that beautiful man guiding them.
And I was sad.
And I mourned.
And I grieved.
And I loved him fiercely and without reservation.
I still do. I love him with all my heart. I will love and miss him forever.
He was, in many ways, a better parent than me. He was, in many ways, a better spouse than me. He was in many ways, a better person than me.
He taught me to love unconditionally. He taught me I was worth loving unconditionally.
It has been two years since that day. Two years since he took his last breath. I still have the printout of his last heartbeat in my wallet (sorry Patricia! My kid took it and didn’t tell me until we got home.) I carry him and his love with me everywhere.
Mark W. Smith.