Yeah yeah… I know. It comes every year.
I KNOW it comes every time this year.
Ok… that’s enough out of YOU… 😉
It’s come every year for the past 40 years of my life. And every year… except the last two… I’ve been excited.
I’ve been totally pumped.
My house VOMITS Christmas.
My kids think it’s too much.
I love it. Just love it.
Except Christmas 2012. 6 months after Mark died.
And Christmas 2013. 18 months after Mark died and my first Christmas in Quesnel.
I didn’t love it.
I didn’t do anything Christmas-y.
I mean, I sorta did. But I was mostly miserable about it.
I have a beautiful picture of me and my kids the first Christmas after their Dad died.
I love this pic. It has me, my kids and Mark watching over us by the Angel.
Last year, I took a pic of Mike’s boys and mine.
It was a good picture, overall. Even though I couldn’t get Andrew to smile 😉 😛
But I wasn’t really happy those years. I was, deep down, miserable. And some surface miserable too. I tried. I tried SO hard to get in the Christmas spirit. But I just … couldn’t.
It hurt. It hurt SO FREAKING MUCH. to be doing Christmas without Mark.
But this year…. something magical has happened.
I’m… dare I say… excited… about Christmas. About life. About my world.
I’m happy with a lot of my recent choices. I’m becoming more content in myself. I’m learning to live in my world and in my skin and in my thoughts.
And… Christmas is coming! In like… A MONTH! And I’m DECORATING. And EXCITED!!! Yep. I am.
My poor boys. They don’t know what’s going to hit them… :p
I have Christmas songs going around in my head… *snicker* Wait until they start coming out 😀