Tis the Season

For engagements.

My neice.

A friend of mine.

A widowed friend of mine.

The engagement rings abound.   Facebook is full of them.

I don’t know why, but for the last year or so… I’ve been angry at the rest of the world moving on and being happy.  Not angry at the people, not angry at their happiness… but angry that *I* wasn’t there.   Angry that there’s no one asking me to have forever.  Nothing I can announce to the world.  No ring, no promise of tomorrow…

And this year… I get to be single.  Seriously.  WTF?

Tis the season for engagements.  And they remind me of what I’ve lost.   What I don’t have.   What is not coming this year.  Or next.  But I’m happy for my friends… just angry that I am fricken single.   Widowed.

Seriously.  I’m a widow.  An only parent.  Not just a single parent, an ONLY parent. And Christmas?  I had to point out to my daughter the things I wanted for Christmas so that my boys could get me something I wanted.

Someone posted about taking a widow’s kids shopping so that the kids could buy something for their parent.

I had to tell my daughter to do that.

I miss having my partner do that for me.   I miss taking the boys shopping for their dad.

I miss being part of a couple.

I’m happy for all my newly engaged/married friends, whether they be widowed or not, but I’m sad that I am not.

BLARG

Tis the season.

 

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5 thoughts on “Tis the Season

  1. Connie says:

    Everything you described in the first half…I SO get. You are not alone in that–at all. Much love you to you. ❤

  2. Melissa Gibbons says:

    Omg I totally relate to this post! This is my third year since my husband passed away leaving me with 4 kids. I just turned 40 and had to ask a friend to take my kids shopping to get me something for my birthday. But nobody thought to take them shopping for me for Christmas or Valentine’s Day and I’ll be damned if I’m going to ask again. Its humiliating! This is the first V day in my entire adult life that i didnt get anything, not even a card from my children that they made at school ( maybe I should check their backpacks). Its not that I need the gifts but I shouldn’t have to ask my choldren if they made me something at school. That should be someone else…booooo to being an ONLY parent. And single. And boooo to my friends who didn’t even consider me and my children at all this year, like they expect me to be ‘over it’. Pffft.

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